"Not my will, but Your will be done!"

The Lord is so kind to me!!! He allowed me to hurt my knee in order to test my faith. So I could see my heart!I know He is in control, I know He alone is sovereign, and I know Christ-likeness is my GOOD!

I ended up taking 3 full days off of running due to the abnormal shooting pain in my knee. An unexpected detour in my plans are definitely times where my fears love to show their ugly heads. I was tempted to (yet again) sulk in my "failure" (or having to pull back) and totally disbelieve the Lord is who He says He is. I gave into self pity and have had to repent and act contrary to what my flesh.. that person who was lazy, people pleasing, selfish, dead to spiritual things and unmotivated by Jesus...but have since  been saved and changed from. When i wake up in the mornings my flesh is ready and waiting to punch me in my face.
So with all that said.. you now know a bit more about my personal struggle with pride and Independence... pray for me to be quick to repent and constantly leaning! As of Wednesday, my knee has been totally fine!!! The Lord took away the pain!! Granted , I have ha to slow down a bit... but that doesn't hurt. So i did my mid week longer run yesterday and i did my cross training today. I was listening to John pipers sermon on "How to kill sin". Let me tell you, it was soooo practical! At the end of the message from practically the whole book of Romans, his application was to murder the flesh with the sword of the spirit. Christianity is about killing. Killing MY flesh. Sounds lofty, and churchy... so he continues to say how we actually do this. We obviously use the sword of the spirit (the word) to conquer our sin, and in the moment that simply means we recount and BELIEVE the bible, the great promises of God!!! I must choose to not be hostile towards God but to believe God! To believe whatever the bible says. This stresses the importance of knowing and living in and loving the Word of my God!!! I grow in sanctification the same way i got saved!!!! This was so encouraging to my heart today, so thankful for the word and so eager to get into the word. Ps. 90:12 My days are numbered here. I want so badly to kill my sin of laziness, to kill my desire for self indulgence (or comfort) and to live in the reality that I live in His watchful presence! (Even when I run!!)

Goals are made with an open hand!

It has been a ery eventful weekend. We had our annual staff retreat for the High School ministry at my church. It was such an encouraging, refreshing time. The topic was "Stewardship" and it was super convicting but so helpful when figuring out how to practically change. My body is not mine. My body is completely owned by another! I say this right off the bat because on Friday i did my long run since i was going out of town and i guess i pushed it too hard or something because my knee has been killing me ever since. i have never ever ever had knee pain. I have been doing everything " right" when it comes to stretching, trigger pointing, icing and rest. Yet the pain remains. No doubt this is in the Lords will for today. Don't get me wrong, I have been asking him to take away the pain if it would be His will. In this tiny little trial i have seen how my fear loves to show its ugly head whenever possible. I have been tempted to think that i have "failed" and fall into the "pity me" pride! I have also been tempted to quit a few times because the goal seems even more impossible now, kin of as a way to protect myself from being let down possibly..BUT IM NOT!!
I promised my mom before I began that I would listen to my body. To not over due it when i KNOW there is a problem. If your an athlete you know the fine line of difference between pain and injury. SO i have taken today off. I feel like a lamo, but I know this is necessary if I want to continue to do this race.

Coming off of a super good weekend, thinking biblicaly about my body, my time, my stuff, my money... NONE OF IT IS MINE!! The time I have committed to use to train, the money i have committed to use and the tole I have committed to place on my body is all the LORDS! I am to be a steward of all of this. I am entrusted with these things for the glory of the Lord. Not for my own self exaltation. This concept has helped me think more clearly on this race even. (So silly I know) But I want to use all this time and money and pain to grow closer to my Savior... to know him better because i have chosen to do this. So please pray that my focus remains on enjoying and praising the Lord... that He would remain my goal to please... and to hold loosely my expectation to run this race, but to trust Him no matter what.. knee or no knee.

Who am I?

Today was my mid week longer run. I mapped out my route last night so i knew exactly where i needed to run. I woke up with a slight stomach ache but that ain't goin to stop this girl. Had a great time with Jesus, quiet... focused. Before i knew it i was out runnin. No joke, I got spooked by 2 Hispanic guys that were crossing the street. They whistled and chased me for about 5 seconds as if i was a horse! Totally freaked me out, i definitely ran faster.




 I had John MacArthur's sermon on expectations on. SUPER SUPER helpful! The main point the Lord drove into me today was the fact that I am lowly. Philippians 3 tells me so. But what the heck is lowly? The contrast came when Paul talks about Jesus coming  back, and changing me from this

 lowly state into His glory!! SO that leads me to think about why I do what I do. Why am I trying to be seen as UN- lowly or should I just say superior, or proud??? (You know what i mean) And MacArthur went on to talk about our society and how it is all about "Your best life now!" It scream at us to milk this world for all its worth. Get as much as you can, be as fulfilled as you can, live it up and get it all because the world says your life is for you. As if that will make me happy, totally void of peace. Wat a lie to I am believing when i think achieving a certain appearance or status as a big reason I exist! (I am not saying to ditch hard work and to not give a rip about how you look when you walk out the door.) I mean come on, If you guys have ever read the bible you know I am a dirty rotten sinner! I know my heart... I know where I let sin thrive. I know where i like to justify my actions. But with this sermon and the sermon from Monday about humility, it couldn't be more clear... I am not alive to live for me! haha.. My comfort and earthly pleasure is not at the top of Jesus' priority list for my life, so why is it ok for them to be on mine?! The fact that Jesus wants my character to be exactly like his is awesome! What a privilege. The fact that He knows me and loves me and wants the absolute best for me, i am nothing but thankful!!! He desires me to find true satisfaction TODAY in communing with Him. He isn't mean for not giving me what i have prayer for for so many years! Little did I know I was praying for idols. How patient and forgiving He is to me.

 I am so unimpressed sometimes with what this world offers, ya know? I am so thankful for those little glimpse's ! Jesus is alive. 

Same God that created these legs created mine! Haha! 

I got through my run and it was hard... FORSURE! I was pretty fatigued to begin with and the rain and tummy ache didn't seem to let up. But by the grace of my Lord i was faster than last Wednesday!! WOOHOOO!!! Totally unbelievable. 

Freedom!

Saturday was the shortest "long run" of the entire training plan. So In my mind it was so do-able. But no matter how long or short the distance is, it is always hard. Praise the Lord my mile was actually a bit faster than the week prior! He made me move faster!!! woohoo!
As for today, Its always great coming off of a rest day. Let alone a rest day filled with Gods word being preached, rain, and a nap... this just made for such a great day! And the Lord had granted me rest so that come this morning my run was great! It was definitely hard because in my head I always have to be pushing my speed. But I finished strong and a nice old man at the gym looked at me as i was walking out and said "Wow girl, you must have worked hard" (I was really gross and sweaty, he made me laugh) He was definitely not complimenting me! hahaha! Anyways! During the run, i was listening to John Piper's sermon on the humble servant. I don't know the real title, I just know what convicted me! And let me tell you, THE LORD IS AWESOME!!! The reality that true humility frees us from the bondage of fearing man. If i care what people think of me (in a self centered,approval seeking kind of way) I'm not being humble! I'm obviously not thinking of others, and I'm definitely not thankful I am just consumed with myself. I'm so arrogant because i think in the moments of sin that I deserve to look/act/ sound/be liked more than i actually am currently being noticed for. What a lie and disbelief of the word of God! Lie, that my worth is defined by men. (2Cor 3) Disbelief that God is good! SO with all that said... all those thoughts swimming around in my head as I'm running... He nails it at the end by talking about my favorite person!!! JESUS!! He came to serve... not to be served. I know i have heard this a bunch growing up.. but I'm afraid i have become numb to this marvelous truth!
 There is so much freedom found in humility. Jesus was the most joyful person!!! I can be who the Lord made me to be, I can look the way he made me to look, and i can worship him fully by understanding how much i don't deserve any of His attention! Only He is worthy to be praised! Only He is sovereign and all powerful. Only He made everything that I see, everything I don't see but I know to exists, and everything I don't see that I don't even know to exist! Wow! Who am I to answer back to God! With all that said, I just want to encourage anyone reading this to get to know how massive and awesome our God is! How goo His plans our for us that love Him. I desire to praise Him and to trust Him while striving to distrust my flesh. To be thankful despite how slow my mile may be! Today was a day of great rejoicing! He gave me grace to understand a glimpse of true biblical theology of me that leads to freedom because I am but dust, there ain't nothin glamorous about dust people! So I have to stop trying to fool everyone to think I'm something when the bible says I'm nothing apart from Christ!

This picture is quite funny. It is the actual finish line for the Boston Marathon(Ignore the truck!). My sweet mom had taken this pic when her and my dad went to Boston a few years ago. She had no clue I wanted to run this at the time. But i found this laminated on my bed when I got home with a sweet and super encouraging note on top to remind me of the goal!
This is my favorite quote of hers "This is the REAL street with the REAl line, and we serve a REAL Savior who can make it REALLY happen!" AMEN!!! =)

By the grace of God, even short girls can run fast!

Sweet, sweet, sweet!

 

What a day! I'm not going to lie... today has been a hard day. But today is also one of the most eye opening, reality shocking kind of a day. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR TODAY. Who am I to have the family I have, the friends I have, the health an body I have. That's just it! I am nothing, I don't deserve a lick of grace! When will I learn! Today started out with Nicci Hunt on a great run! She makes me so thankful for my church. Loving the leadership the Lord has put over us and actually being thankful for it.  She makes me want to go to Texas.. she also makes running super enjoyable!

6am and lookin hot..or not... !!!

Then hurry home to get ready for work and make my yummy protein shake ! 1/2 cup almond milk, 1cup decaf coffee, Hemp seed protein, ice and a dash of stevia and blend! Ta' Dah! YUM!

Stonefire!

But today just kept getting better (not that I thought that in the moment) But i had lunch with my Dad! Just me and him... that's a recipe for goodness! I wanted to write this on my blog because as the Lord has been convicting me of being thankful for my health, running... etc. I have so much more, so many things that I constantly overlook and selfishly take for granted. My Mom and Dad are so kind. So patient with me. I do not deserve their love, their care, their protection, their interest in me, their constructive criticism... the list goes on an on. And this just parallels the Lords love to me.(and you) If i am not thankful for my earthly authority seeing through the eyes of faith or if i act as if they are there to do my will how can I possibly love and understand how undeserving I am of earthly things and visible people. What makes me think I am genuinely thankful for my heavenly Father and heavenly things when my eyes are on me or on what others should change for my convenience? As if the Lord is not sovereign in placing me under the people he has! Which He has given me the most gracious, godly parents and he has made that clear today that the best choice for me to make is humility I have to be the one to change because I am the problem. Humility ain't no extra-ultra godly characteristic that only some can achieve (that would make it pride eh?? haha) It's just living in reality! Reality is, is that I don't know it all, I'm wrong a lot. (feel free to remind me of this whenever you want) I want to live in the reality of the cross! Don't you??? What a sweet place to be...What a great day the Lord has given me. And now, I'm off to Santa Clarita!

Variey

Today was my cross training day. I chose to take a spin class at the gym. I was just so thankful that my body does what I tell it to. Like I totallly don't depend on the Lord for the strength and grace i need to even get out of my bed. Who do I think I am.

DONE! 

 I have been learning to love the discipline of running, but also to be thankful that i can run. Not for running sake alone.... but for seeing the hand of the Lord pouring out his common grace to me as i live and move on His earth, in this body He gave me. So, I took a killer spin class, got super sweaty and gross, but in the midst of my disgust i was convicted! I need to be thankful I can even sweat. What unique design that the Lord used to make me. The ability to SWEAT! Kinda crazy when you think about it... the bodies way of cooling itself down. Thats grace!! I don't tell my body to sweat and start cooling itself down.. no!  I would overheat if the Lord never invented sweat.. I even get all mad that i have to take a shower because of it..I should be thankful. Kinda silly, maybe grossed you out..I''m sorry, it's a great thing. Showers are also a great thing! But Im starting to think I can even sweat for the glory of God.. hahaha Well, time for bed so I can wake up and run early! woohoo!

Pleasure or the prize

The Foam Roller, A drear friend of mine.

I'm not sore!! Priase the Lord!! I'm so thankful for my foam roller. Well, today's run was suppose to be a short fast run. Now after coming off of a lame 11 miler on Saturday my confidence an excitement were slightly lagging... but I knew I needed to run hard today.
Yesterday was obviously Sunday, the Lord was so sweet to convict me and open my eyes a little bit to see more of how sinful I truly am. How my lust for pleasure, be it found in admiration, food, accomplishments, or whatever, they are all sins and a direct sign of the battle I am engaged in, this fight of faith. This fight in my heart is between me and me!  I am seriously my worst enemy! Spiritually and therefore physically. I can justify anything an everything in my own mind. Just give me a few seconds. hence my need for a savior... and His word! haha...My pastor Austin Duncan was so helpful in communicating the traits of a bad example from Philippians 3. How the bad example listed there is one seeking their own desire, unashamed of their own sin. Now obviously i was convicted in many other areas of my life where I seek my own desire but as I was talking with the Lord this morning before my run, he opened my eyes to see how I continually seek my own desires, even while running! The desire to quit, to not run heartily as unto the Lord!!
 Now by the grace of God He has given me desires that do please Him. But I would be lying to you if I told you I never desired anything sinful =). So I wont... The Lord already knows my sin so its not a shock if you get hear about some of it too, right sinner?? ;) Hopefully to help spur you on to run he race of faith harder. Shedding any sin that you and I are entangled in is a must. Anyways, I listened to CJ Mahaney's sermon " A Cry form the Cross" and the Lord couldn't have orchestrated a better sermon for me to listen to as I was running today! HAHA!! The reality the Jesus Christ SCREAMED the scream of the damned on the cross (the scream I should scream in Hell for my own sin) was a major motivation to run. Christ suffered for me. I don't know even a tinch of what Christ suffered on the cross. Physical pain... YES, but the pain that would be inflicted on Him by HOLY God  for the sins of His elect!! MASSSIIIVEE!!! I'm so self-centered that I feel alone sometimes, YA RIGHT! Jesus was alone, actually forsaken by the Father. I have never been forsaken by my Maker!  What a reality that drives me to embrace any suffering in my life. I will never feel the punishment of my sins. Wow... all I may feel from today is the pain of a body beaten up by a marathon. This cannot even compare.I honestly felt like running as hard as I could, I felt free.... free from wrath, free to enjoy my Savior, free to deny my lust! People driving by me must have thought I was psycho... but they weren't listening to what I was listening to! I know my "suffering" is totally self inflicted and therefore isn't really suffering. But in the moment I want so badly to choose the pleasure and comfort of this life, by slowing down. I so badly wanted to WALK! If I chose to give in, there would be regret waiting for me at the end. NO DOUBT! But if I begged the Lord for strength and for perspective... there would be pain, sure.. but there would be a prize at the end! (I am not advocating self inflicted pain as a way to grow in sanctification, with my body pain just comes with running..that's all. But whatever pain the Lord deems nessescary, to trust Him and endure) The joy of giving it my all, knowing that the LORD gave me strength! That is soooo much more worth it! To endure a little while and be satisfied when its over! What's great about suffering is that its temporal. It will end ONE DAY, most likely the same day! I am so thankful, the Lord has given me encouragement and perspective today from His word! I am prone to wander and forget, so feel free to keep reminding me of the Lords goodness and kindness and His accessibility! I hope you enjoy Jesus and worship Him for who He is.. Perfect, sinless! I am so thankful He was willing to suffer for my sake. Man, if one of those cars hit me today... I know where I am going! What a run, woohoo! But man, what a Savior

! 



My amazing friend Amber!

 This picture was taken right before we took off running. Today was my first "long run" in the training process. It was only 11 miles and honestly I thought it wouldn't be too bad. Pride comes before a fall! Haha! I say this because today was one of the hardest runs that I can remember. Now I am not in optimal running shape and I am trying to run faster. Put those two together, you make for yourself a little taste of Hell! No joke, my legs felt like elephants! I elaborate on the tremendous pain and disappointment I was feeling because in the end, there is only one way I could have finished. That would only be by THE STRENGTH THE LORD GAVE ME  every single step. This is kind of funny because when I walked, my knee started to hurt immediately so I had to keep running. (Now, I know why my knee hurt, so yes mom... I will take care of it) But I see the grace of God in the pain because it kept me going. Not the most ideal way, but since when is the Lords will exactly how I want it to be. Today seemed to just remind me of my weakness which I think is a great thing! But honestly, I'm tempted to fall into doubt... that my goal may be too high, that the Lord can't supply me with very real physical strength and endurance! What a sin, disbelief! My sweet, sweet friend Amber told me truth, she always directs me to the Lord! And as we were foam rolling after the run, she said that she wasn't going to let me quit trying to achieve my goal, especially after one little disappointing run. Yikes!! What an encouragement in the midst of me being so hard on myself after my first long run. A Reminder to press on. I can't do this myself! I need the Lord and He seems to reveal himself by using my friends. (Thanks to all my friends and fam for being so easily used by the Lord in my little life!)! The Lord is so cool, I am so thankful for the gift He has given me in her friendship! So bring on the soreness (I already feel it)..tomorrow is my rest day. And I will press on only by the grace of Jesus. Death on a cross is far worse then being out of breath with an aching body. What a Savior!

Week 1

Training has officially begun. Of course it's going great. I am still living in the motivation that comes when you begin something new. But I have been faced with the test of patience already! In the pursuit to run faster and shorten my times, I get impatient because I'm slow and the goal seems so hard to achieve. Its the baby steps that test me! It was great though, I was listening to Al Mohler's 2008 Resolved sermon on "Heaven" (which actually made me run faster, no joke!). The Lord was so kind to reveal to me the brevity of my life. That in heaven I will have a new perfect body! (I  bet I will be able to run super fast in the proper heart rate zone! j/k Haha) But the reality that this is not my home and the trials and temptations I face, even in the moment of the run today, are to be expected and for my good.
There was a moment that I wanted to slow it down. As I was quickly justifying this weak sauce decision the Lord brought himself to my mind. I needed help. I WAS SO WEAK, literally. In that quick moment, I begged Him for strength to keep going hard. What's great is that he gave me just enough strength to finish. The pain and discomfort didn't go away... it was "endure-able". Haha! I love it! He made it so clear that He is with me and I need Him. What a great day!