I have hit the ground runnin!

So I have been in school for 2 weeks and I love it! I am in over my head in homework, but I love my assignments! So I figured why not just post some assignments that I am majorly benefiting form, maybe you will too? In my New Testament class, I have to outline Romans to Revelation. These outlines are segmented and assigned to us. So I have posted one outline. I would love your feedback... call me out if I'm a heretic... Or just pray for me. =) The Lord is so good. 

“I am my own worst Enemy”

Romans 7:14-25

Analysis:

            Paul understands that he has a battle raging in his heart. He knows he has been given life by the spirit, yet at the same time he carries around this “body of death” since he is still in this unredeemed world. Paul laments over his sin revealing his true desire to please God by not sinning. He acknowledges that because of his flesh nothing good dwells in him, he doesn’t have the ability to carry out the good he wants to do, and that he keeps on doing the evil he doesn’t want to do. Any believer can relate to Paul’s cries since He is simply describing the very fight between the flesh and Spirit.

            This battle is not to be fought alone. The soldier needs a deliverer. Left to us, every believer would live as if he was captive. The flesh is natural for all men to live according to. No man can deliver himself from the enemy since every good thought is followed by evil. This world is wicked and every man is wretched. Man does not conquer the enemy within before coming to the deliverer. Man needs a deliverer from the enemy within (himself). This deliverer is Jesus Christ, the Lord! The deliverer doesn’t promise relief and immediate rescue resulting in an easier existence; his deliverance is given through Jesus’ gift of forgiveness. Our minds are made new and the battle rages on against our very own flesh for the glory of Jesus Christ.

Response:

           

             Sinfully, I am a legalist at heart. I love to think that if I win the battle of my flesh that I will earn more favor with God. I fight the battle in my own strength thinking that I can and that I have to be the one to do it. This is my flesh poking its ugly head at me disguised as humility. This pride is seen when I am so disappointed by my sin.  I actually think I can fight this battle on my own. Meaning, I think I can show myself my own sin and figure out how to stop doing it. This is a fundamental lie I believe. As I try to kill sin by my own “goodwill” it leads to a rollercoaster of self-righteous pride. Swinging from superiority pride by choosing to do what’s right and then to pride of inferiority if I don’t choose what is right.  Scripture reminds me that I am saved by grace, period. I am also sanctified by His grace. He is the bridegroom that initiates and pursues His bride.

The Lord is constantly reminding me that I am not in control, nor is the battle of sin about me. This self-centered way of thinking, even thought it’s about the battle of sin, is sin in and of itself.  Since when is overcoming sin all about making me look better, feel better, and improve my life? My motive for killing sin has been all about me, making my life easier. This leads me to repent because Christ is not being worshipped, I am. Paul delights in the Law of God, because he loves God! He knows Jesus and understands the massive cost Christ had to pay to redeem Him. That no matter what he does, good or bad, he cannot separate himself from Christ’s love. All merit earning is thrown out the window and grace is all we live by. How was it that my name, Laura Stone, got brought us in the Trinitarian conversation before time began? What freedom I have to live for the pleasure of my Savior.  

It's been a while...

I have obviously not written on here for a few weeks.. OK, a month.. and I have no good reason for the absence other than the thought that I am not running the marathon anymore, and there nothing that big going on in my life. Within the last 4 weeks, a few people have asked why I haven't posted anything lately. My response was horrible and unclear. So I have decided to keep posting what the Lord is teaching me even though now my finish-line is unknown by me. He's definitely working!!
              Whats great about the Lords timing is that it is perfect! In just two weeks I was planning on doing the marathon, but I will obviously not be running  it but my dear freidn Amber will be!!!! She has endured, she has put in the effort and discipline to be able to run. I am so proud of her. Her humility shines whenever I ask her about her training. (And when i ask anything else about her..she is just a humble servant of the Lord) She is running 26.2 miles in a few weeks but she exudes a tenacious, uncompromising zeal for the Lords glory. She knows the Word of God, she loves Jesus, and she is a huge example to me of what a selfless, teachable, servant is. Amber humbles me without a word. Don't get me wrong, when she does need to use words she humbles me too because she is right! She is only right because she quotes the word of God! Seriously people! What a treasure I have in my sister Amber. What a blessing and major benefit to have her eyes in my life and my eyes in her life! With all that said, I get to cheer her on with her husband Kevin out in Arizona in a few weeks. Pray for her, pray the Lord will be glorified by her attitude and mine!
Other than the running info, 2010 is over! The Lord has been so kind to me. He always is! Specifically, in answering prayer. i have been praying along with my parents for direction with life. Not ministry or moving away.... but with work and desires. Praying for the Lord to make clear the path he wants me to follow him down. And to remain faithful and dependent. This was hard only because my flesh fights to know everything all the time! To sit and wait on the Lord to reveal His will and not fear, this is my fight. With time and prayer, He revealed at his perfect timing. i needed to learn all i was put through to get me to where i am thinking today.  I am planning to go to The Master's College to do the One Year Bible Institute starting in just a few weeks. I long to know the Word of God. I want to know Him! This is a gift from my parents to allow this and to support me. Who am I!? What a stewardship I am given and going to be given. =) Pray the Lord keeps me faithful...makes me thankful... and humbles me resulting in perseverence, hope, and joy. To sum it all up... I want to be a worshipper 24/7..


I find my heart prone to think that I, being a woman, need to make myself attractive, becuase if i dont then i will miss out or end up alone, unhappy, and disliked. This sounds crazy I'm sure.. (I promise I still take showers) but let me explain. I am tempted to think that I have the control of you people! That i can make you be attracted to me or not be attracted to me. (Im talking about physically, personality wise, spiritually.. all of it) As if I posses the power within me to control your thoughts! HA!! For instance, like it is up to me to make myself  "beautiful" and in order to get the right guy to like me...and if i dont, there is no way he will like me. "I must contribute!" SO STUPID RIGHT!! Paul Washer said in a sermon i just listened to that "Sin is insanity" why would some one ever really think like me. I can't explain how my own brain works, let alone how yours does! What arrogance I am harbouring to think like this automatically. The gospel is OVERWHELMINGLY NEEDED by ME!!

My own thoughts condem me. If it were not for the gospel I am hopeless! Through worship this week the Lord has shown me a glimps of his mighty power. The power of His word, the trustworthiness of His own word. I have it!! Why do I not love it like the Psalmist in Psalm 119!? I long for his word to be my delight. To be my comfort and to be my one true aim to know. My thinking, my attitude, my very thought process needs major changing. And the Lord is so kind to tell me how to do it! Psalm 119 is covered in it. SEEKING THE LORD through his word, will change me. This "change" I desire (and any other Christian) means changing my pursuit... my affections. Only the Lord can change this! To be wholly Christ! I sit and think.. wow.. what would it be like if I, Laura Stone, was wholly about the Lords work, thinking like Christ and unsatisfied with anything but Christ. What would it be like if I was a NORMAL Christian! How attriactive would He look to this world! I have never loved the Lord my God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind. Never. Yet I claim to love him.

I went snowboarding with a dear friend Erin today. I was faced with my frailty. Sitting, suspended mid mountain on a dinky lift, stuck. The lift had stopped and I sinned. I feared big time the pain and inconvenience of falling off a lift and breaking bones ( I didn't think I would just die, that would be too great!). This led to distrust so fast. I am not saying that it would be unkind for the Lord to break my bones and make my life really inconvenient. He totally can and be perfectly kind! I'm saying that I sinned big time because my heart was obviously not set on trusting him if that were to happen. He is the only Sovereign Lord, right!!! What a fool I am to place my trust in "horses and men" or in my case, machines and teenagers manning the Lifts at Snow Valley. The same heart. One moment praising Him for his greatness seen in the vastness of creation... to then distrust and practical atheism!! I am absolutely dependent on Christ and HIS work on the cross. I have no control. I cant control my safely, i cannot control my future, i cannot control who likes me and who doesn't.  I long to learn how to lean. As Dolores Michaelson always tells me... I am a worm and cant control anything, I just like to think I can.